"A stranger asked if I was allergic to kiwi." The story of a paramedic who has been waiting for her husband from captivity for more than a year
Anastasiia Shetelia, 24, is constantly checking her phone. She is afraid of missing an important call. She is in the war zone near Bakhmut. There is no connection there for several days. The first thing she does after her shift is to see if there are any missed calls or messages.
Anastasiia is waiting for news of her husband Vladyslav, who has been in captivity since April 4, 2022. At that time, he was a sailor with the 501st Marine Battalion. Anastasiia had not heard from him for 9 months. Until December, when she received a message from a stranger that her husband was at least alive.
“This guy was released from captivity in November. He and my husband were in the same cell for more than six months. They agreed that the first one to get out would find all their relatives. They gave each other information about social networks and told each other about their loved ones,” says Anastasiia.
“Every night I hope to see him in my dream”
The former prisoner found Anastasiia through her husband's Instagram page.
“In early December, I was in Bakhmut. I didn't get in touch for three days. We had a constant flow of wounded. We hardly rested, slept, or ate. When I came home from duty, I saw that three days ago I received a message that there was information about my husband. I called this guy via Telegram. He texted: ‘Are you allergic to kiwi?’ I replied: ‘Yes’. I realized that this was information that only my husband could tell him. I exhaled, slid down the wall, and said: ‘Please tell me more’,” she recalls.
The stranger told Anastasiia that her husband loved her and was sure that she was waiting for him.
“I told that guy that I was in Bakhmut,” she says. “He replied: ‘When your husband comes back, he will be very surprised, his jaw will drop.’ After this conversation, everyone asked me: ‘What's wrong with you?’ Because before that, I had not eaten or slept, but I was working with the wounded with a happy face.
I didn't know anything before – there was one photo of him that was published on a Russian public site, and that was it. And here is so much information. I know where he is, what his state is, what their conditions are, and what is happening there.
I know that he talked about me and he is sure that I am waiting for him. The most important thing is not to lose heart. This guy was telling me about my husband's catchphrases, and I realized that he was even joking. I know for sure that if he has a sense of humor, he is holding on and has adjusted to the fact that he will be in captivity for a long time. Most importantly, he knows that his mom, his sister younger brother, and me are waiting for him. He does not doubt it.
I felt as if he had called and spoken to me himself. It gave me strength as if I had slept for eight hours and had lunch, even though I hadn't slept for three days before.”
Anastasiia's husband Vladyslav also recently turned 24. She asks not to give his last name for safety reasons. Anastasiia found out that he had changed a lot in appearance.
“The guy who came back from captivity said that he had changed so much that I wouldn't recognize him because he had lost so much weight,” she adds. “I showed him the photo before the full-scale invasion. Every night I hope to see Vladyslav in my dreams. But I don’t.”
He walked around the yards and untied the dogs so that they would survive
The last time Anastasiia and Vladyslav spoke was more than a year ago, on March 26, 2022. He was defending Mariupol. He said that everything was fine. He asked her not to cry and not to be afraid.
“They were the first to meet the enemy,” Anastasiia says. “They held Shyrokyne for three days. Then there was a threat of complete encirclement and they were forced to withdraw. When they were completely surrounded on March 3, they stayed in Mariupol.
In the early days, my husband was still in touch. However, he could not say exactly where he was and what was happening. Then they held the village of Myrne, near Mariupol. There were no basements, no shelter. There were constant air strikes. I have learned this from a guy who returned from captivity. It was he who told me what was happening to my husband and his brothers-in-arms.
In fact, the situation was very critical. I could even hear it in his voice. One day, my husband called after two weeks of no communication and I did not recognize his voice. He was calling from another number and proving with our code phrases that it was really him. I did not recognize him because of the immense fatigue in his voice.”
In Myrne Anastasiia’s husband and his fellow soldiers were still lucky. In the area of detached houses, there was at least some food left by the locals.
“The guy who came back said that, when the fighting had calmed down a bit, my husband went around the yards and untied the dogs,” she continues. “He is such a good man that he risked his own life to save the dogs so that they had a chance to survive.
Anastasiia says she is worried because society is biased against the 501st Battalion, which was captured. She says her husband never betrayed his oath and was proud to be a soldier. He had many awards. In particular, from both presidents.
“He was surrounded by guys like him,” she says. “They never complained about being hungry, sleep deprived, or without protection. According to the people who were exchanged, they did not want to be captured. When it all first started, I asked him: ‘What if you are captured?’ He answered: ‘I will not go’. I know that there were people like him.
Unfortunately, through no fault of their own, they were captured on April 4. I don't know exactly what the situation was like there. But, according to the exchanged person, they did not know they were going to get there. One man from the 501st Marine Battalion went over to the Russian side. I often see him on the news. He is an officer Bezsmertnyi. He agreed with the Russian side that the guys would be taken prisoner.
Relatives were told completely different things. Some were told that they were going for a breakthrough, and others that a green corridor had been agreed upon. My husband is an ordinary sailor, he doesn't make decisions and has no connection with the higher command and between positions. So they were told to go to a certain point, and they went. As it turned out, they were taken prisoner without telling them about it. It's a difficult situation now. Because the exchanges are taking place without the guys from this battalion.”
Being in the Bakhmut direction, Anastasiia has a rough idea of what happened last spring to her husband and his fellows-in-arms.
“We take wounded soldiers to hospitals where they receive proper care,” says Anastasiia. “But when the city is completely surrounded, there is no way to take the soldiers out and no medicine. The losses of the 501st Battalion are the highest among the entire Marine Corps. Because they had no shelters. I can only imagine what the situation was like there. I know a little bit about war. When you are completely surrounded and have nowhere to hide, it is terrible. One day there is enough to be a hero of Ukraine. And now they are in a position where they seem to have voluntarily surrendered.”
Anastasiia knows approximately where her husband is, although she has no contact with him.
“This is a man who would never betray his country,” she says. “He and his fellow soldiers survived four rotations, and the fifth rotation was a full-scale invasion. These are heroic people. I believe that everyone who was in Mariupol at the time is a hero.”
“It's easy to call others traitors if you haven't fought”
The decision about the 501st Battalion being captured was made to save people. Anastasiia says it is unfair that no one was warned about this and society believes that they surrendered voluntarily.
“I don't believe in it,” says Anastasiia. “We need to talk about whether it was voluntary or involuntary after everyone will return. First, we need to get everyone back, sort things out, and then draw some conclusions. This is a very serious accusation – voluntary surrender. It should not be made against anyone who was in Mariupol. Because they held the defense from the first day. For more than a month, they stood in a village without a basic basement. Therefore, it is unfair to say that they voluntarily surrendered. People are simply labeled. It is easy to call someone a traitor and a deserter if you have never participated in hostilities, have never been to Mariupol, and have no idea what it is.”
Anastasiia takes the comments of couch experts on social media and online publications very personally.
“I'm in a war zone, I see everything with my own eyes,” she says. “And then I meet someone who has never been here, who starts arguing with me that it's not really like that. Unfortunately, this happens often. Some fighters have been through hell and have psychological trauma. And the so-called experts who are far away in the rear, who have never been close to combat, tell them how to fight properly. It is very angering. It is better to refrain from such comments. Then the guys come back from captivity and read all this too. My friend who returned from captivity said: ‘I didn't sleep for two days because I was reading what was happening.’ I can imagine my husband, who has been through so much, coming back, opening an article about the events in Mariupol or the 501st Battalion, and seeing all the negative comments. What will be his moral state? I'm afraid it will break him.”
Nevertheless, Anastasiia herself still reads and analyzes comments from strangers about the situation in Mariupol and the 501st Battalion.
“They write that my husband did wrong because he raised his hands,” she continues. “Please, if you think so, come even to Bakhmut and spend at least a day as an infantryman. Then come back home and write the same thing. Then I am ready to talk to such a person. It is very depressing. I see comments about the 501st Battalion and others – a lot of offensive comments with threats from unknown people against the military and their families. We should not quarrel. On the contrary, we need to unite to get everyone out of captivity, and only then analyze why it happened this way and not otherwise.”
They did not want to take a girl who weighed 50 kilograms to the front
Anastasiia has been at the front since October 2022. She was inspired by her husband, who has been a soldier since 2017. That's when they met when they were students in Lviv. Since the beginning of the full-scale invasion, Anastasiia did not want to stay away. She was looking for opportunities to get to the front.
“There was a rush at the military registration and enlistment offices, and I saw that no one wanted to recruit a little girl who weighed 50 kilograms,” she recalls. I came to the military registration and enlistment offices at the place of registration. I am from Zakarpattia, the village of Nimetska Mokra. The man who received everyone there told me: ‘You have nothing to do here, and we are doing well with recruiting those who want to fight.’ Then I talked to my friends in the military who were already serving at the time. They told me that I should do something in the rear and that I could do more good as a volunteer than in the military. I took courses from the All-Ukrainian Council of Resuscitators, as well as courses for military medics under the TCCC program (Tactical Combat Casualty Care – ed.). After that, I was accepted to go to the front.”
Before meeting her husband, Anastasiia was not interested in war or the army. She studied at the Faculty of Philosophy, Department of Theory and History of Culture. Vladyslav studied at the same university at the Faculty of Law. He came to Lviv from Yuzhnoukrainsk, where he was born and raised. Since childhood, he was fond of military affairs. As soon as he turned 18, he took a leave of absence from the university and joined the army. The same year he was sent to the front.
“Vladyslav participated in the ATO,” says Anastasiia. “I was waiting for him from the front, and he opened my eyes to what was happening. When the conflict was frozen after 2014, everyone forgot that the war was still going on. My husband reminded us of it. He taught me military affairs even before the full-scale invasion began. We trained almost every day. It was physical activity, running. He told me about weapons. He showed me photos of weapons, told me about their tactical and technical characteristics, taught me how to properly put on a turnstile, and how long it took to do it. He told me how to properly disguise fortifications and positions. I was naive at the time. I thought: I don't need this. In 2019, we went into the field, hiking. He taught me tactical medicine and survival. We lived there in extreme conditions. It seems that he was somehow intuitively preparing me for war. My husband mentally and physically prepared me for the fact that I should not relax, because things could get much worse. All this helped me to withstand the situation now.”
The only gifts Anastasiia received from her husband were military items. She thought at the time: why does she need all this?
“He gave me a helmet, a military sleeping bag, tactical gloves, and much more,” she says. “And it all came in handy. I am still grateful to him for that. I remember receiving a gift for the winter holidays in 2020. He was in Shyrokyne at the time. A parcel came through Nova Poshta. I unpacked it, and there was a good British Kevlar helmet. It was with me all the time after that. Unfortunately, I lost it because of the shelling in Kherson Oblast. We moved from basement to basement. When the wounded were brought to us, their ammunition, helmets, and body armor were usually taken off and stored. And then other soldiers would come and take away the ammunition of these fighters. It so happened that after the shelling we came out of the basement. I took off my helmet and put it on the side. The commanders accidentally took my helmet as well.”
Vladyslav and Anastasiia got married in Mariupol on October 16, 2021.
“He served in Berdiansk and Mariupol, and the 'Marriage in 24 Hours' service was already available then,” Anastasiia recalls. Vladyslav was at the training grounds at the time. One day we got ready, went to Mariupol, and got married there. It was just the two of us. It was a foreign city for me, and Vladyslav's friends were at the training ground. Then we sent photos to our family and friends. Everyone was happy and confused because we hadn't told anyone.
Later, after the full-scale invasion, when Vladyslav was in Mariupol, I talked to him on the phone once. It was a very short moment, happy for me, and he said: ‘You know, if we hadn't gotten married here, this city wouldn't have been so symbolic for me.’ He perceived Mariupol up close and personal when he was holding the defense there. This city was much more to him than just a settlement to be defended.”
The war changed Anastasiia. At the front, she learned not to sympathize.
“I'm very sentimental and compassionate,” she adds. “In fact, I was a vegetarian for 11 years. I am reverent towards all living things. But I started eating meat to be physically strong. I learned not to sympathize, because sympathy is one of the emotions that is the most striking and it weakens, it really weakens you. During these months I saw a lot: death, blood. I saw what war looks like. It taught me not to sympathize with anyone. Neither to the enemy, because there should be no sympathy for him, nor to our wounded guys. When I sympathize with them, I let their pain pass through me. If you are very concerned about the fate of a wounded soldier and sympathize with him, your hands start to tremble. When you think over every step, you get nervous and the help can be of poor quality. And poor quality care means loss of life. If a fighter is in pain, it is normal. It hurts because there is a wound. I look at him and say: ‘Be patient’. And I do my job with a cool head. It is important to forget about the wounded after they get to the hospital. If you worry about every wounded person and carry everything through your heart, you can go crazy. The war has also taught me a black sense of humor. It is here all the time. You can't do without humor. For example, the phrase ‘I lost my head’ is perceived both figuratively and literally. Or someone carries a severed limb in a bag and shows it off: ‘Look what I have’. It sounds wild. But if you don't joke, it's very hard to take it seriously. Humor helps.”
Anastasiia says she is scared all the time.
“Those who say they are not afraid are actually lying,” she explains. “Everyone is afraid. There is panic fear, which puts you in a stupor. And there is adequate fear. It is scary to go to the position and be there. It is scary to lose a fighter, it is scary to come under fire. Only those who are a bit crazy are not afraid. And it is humor that helps to cope with fear. And the mood is also transmissible. If one person is afraid, others start to be afraid. If someone is joking and having fun, then others will follow suit, and everyone will have fun.
The emotions of relatives in the rear are also strongly transmitted. I can tell you from my own experience. When they cry into the phone and tell you how scared they are because you are there, it affects you and you start crying too. One way or another, we have to fulfill our duties. Whether we are scared or not. And when relatives start pressuring you, saying, ‘Please don't go,’ you feel depressed. I know this because my parents are worried. They used to tell me to come back home. I will feel much worse when I know that someone is crying at home and someone is unwell. It's pretty hard. Relatives should overcome themselves and cry to someone who is in the rear than to someone who is at war. You should not call in tears. It's better to say: ‘I hope you're doing well. You did well, we are proud of you.’ This is more motivating. And love helps a lot. Not in the sense of ‘I'm afraid for you’. But in another way: I am very proud of you. When soldiers feel loved and respected, it gives them strength.”
Working at the front helps Anastasiia to concentrate only on her duties. She doesn't think about anything else.
“I forget myself when I am immersed in work,” she says. “I need to survive myself and not get wounded. I need to save someone's life and ensure the evacuation of a soldier. If I'm on duty for a whole day, I don't think about anything during that time. I feel needed, and it saves me. The downside is that sometimes I can't send documents or receive an important call about my husband from institutions that deal with prisoners of war. When I come back from duty, the first thing I do is to see if I have received any messages or missed calls. If there is one, I call immediately. When we go to hot spots, there is no connection. I am told that I will see my husband when the exchange of all for all will happen. I still hope that it will happen a little sooner. Not in a few years, but in the near future.”
While we were working on the publication, a document from the State Bureau of Investigation was released, stating that 277 people from the 501st Battalion were acquitted. The case was closed, and the commander of the unit, Bezsmertnyi, was prosecuted.
“This is a very important statement from the Security Service of Ukraine,” Anastasiia adds. “We hope that the guys will be exchanged faster and that society will perceive them differently than before. This is like a stone that rolled from the heart of mine and all the relatives of the 501st Battalion prisoners of war.”
Author: Nataliia Lazuka