He says: "We abandoned the children on February 24." She says: "No, we didn't. We protected them." A couple at war

They are so different. So contrasting. Serhii is reserved, calculating, and rational. Marta is light, cordial, and sociable. They argue, interrupt each other, and explain their opinions. And all of this is quiet and peaceful.

They also laugh a lot. I feel that Marta and Serhii are two parts of the whole. A couple that complements and fills each other.

The spouses have been in the Armed Forces since the first day of the invasion. Now their battalion is being restored, and we are talking in Kyiv. We talk about military and love affairs.

Patriotism or common sense?

Marta knew she was going to fight. For a whole year, the employee of an international clinical research company had been preparing for the invasion: every Saturday she went to training sessions of the 130th Battalion of Kyiv's territorial defense. There she learned how to behave on the battlefield.

“I knew that if Russia attacked, I would not live under occupation. I knew that everyone — not only activists but even a few pro-Ukrainian residents — would be killed. That's why the army was the clear choice.”

Serhii joined the training later and quickly caught up:“I clearly understood that if there was an invasion, I would not run away. It's not that I'm a strong patriot and I don't play military romanticism. There is a clear understanding of the threat and that you cannot do anything against it alone. You either run away or stay. If you do the latter, you have to fight or you will become a burden to the army. Accordingly, you join a society that is ready to fight. I am here because it is my choice.”

“That's what you call patriotism,” Marta interjects.

“It's common sense,” Serhii says, “I joined people who are close in spirit, who share my values, and not just blindly and distortedly following the general messages of ‘fighting for the land, for the native land’ and ‘my heart is breaking for Ukraine’. And now I want to be effective where I am. And it will be even more beautiful if I kill more kats*ps.”

The best thing they both learned from their training in territorial defense was the realization that it is good to fight with someone you know and with whom you have learned to work in harmony. The realization that you can count on them. The backbone of such people remains in the 130th Battalion, where the couple serves.

On February 24, 2022, most of the reservists had equipment and food and began performing combat missions. Marta and Serhii arrived at the assembly point at 10 am. They wanted to arrive earlier, but they live in a village near Kyiv and were delayed by a long line of cars leaving the capital. They, on the contrary, were rushing to get there. And when they got on the highway, they just took off. There was no one else in that direction.

Did they abandon their sons or protect them?

After the invasion, the parents left their twin sons Ostap and Andrii at home alone. They thought that they would be nearby in the territorial defense and would visit them often. But the couple immediately left to perform combat missions.

The 13-year-old boys managed to cope: they had water and food. But in the village near the Zhytomyr highway, they could hear everything that was happening in Irpin. The thoughts were disturbing: what if the occupiers reached their home?

The couple argued for a long time. Marta wanted to hide the children in the basement of a local priest. Her husband strongly objected. Moreover, there was an option: their friend was taking her mother and pets to the West and offered to take the boys with her. That's how they agreed.

Now their sons are with Serhii's sister in the United States. Their parents have not seen them since February 24, 2022.

“It's good that they ended up with my sister because she is close to me in terms of the worldview,” says Serhii. “But they want to go to their parents. Every time we talk to the children, they ask: “Mom, when are you coming?”

“And I explain to them that this is a serious moment for Ukraine, I can't leave the army,” the woman interjects.

The husband turns to his wife: “Why can't you? We lived somehow before when there was a war in 2014. Many people are far from this context. I think one of the parents should be with the children. We often discuss this topic, it is painful. We are constantly ‘pushing’ Marta out of the Armed Forces, but she resists. We hope that when the situation at the front enters a less acute phase, she will return to our sons.”

Martha replies seriously, her playful curls freezing:“Yes, it's our pain, they're obviously missing us. And I know that children need their parents' attention until they are 16-18 years old, for sure. But I justify myself by saying that by the time they are 13, we have managed to form them. The fact that we are at war is also an element of education. You can't declare some principles and act differently. And this is what I am trying to explain to them now: you knew what to expect, right?”

Serhii is gentle:“You could say I was wrong.”

“You can't be wrong about worldview things,” thewoman replies calmly.

“We abandoned our children on February 24,” theman does not back down.

“We didn't abandon them, we protected them. If everyone had decided to stay with their families, all the children would have been under occupation,” Marta defends her position.

She is planning to go to their sons on her next vacation.

“Yeah, you're fine, but the kids will talk about me: ‘Who is this man who keeps calling and wants to talk?’,” themilitary man's tone is falsely depressing.

Everyone is laughing.

For me, the worst moments are when he is fighting

Serhiy Chornyi and Marta Yuzkiv fight in the same company in the same battalion. Accordingly, where there is a husband, there is a wife.

She is a senior combat medic, and he is an aerial reconnaissance man. He started as a simple shooter, then was a gunner of a combat vehicle.

“For me, the worst moments are when he's fighting,” Marta admits, “I hear what's going on over the radio. Actually, why is it so hard for me to leave the army? This is the case when it is better to be close and know what is going on with him than to be far away and know nothing. I'm not leaving for two reasons: I have my patriotic stance, plus I want to be near my husband.”

One day, on her birthday, she returned from the hospital where she had taken the wounded man. She went to the command and observation post, and then they announced the urgent evacuation of the wounded. She looked up at the senior sergeant:“Who?” — “Chornyi”. Her Serhii.

She remembers a feeling of relief: it's not urgent, so it's a moderate condition. Ugh. And the thought: what a birthday present!

The man did not need medical assistance: for some time, he was a platoon medic and treated himself. Serhii recalls his injury.

“Two small pieces of mine fragments hit my leg. One of them broke the bone. I bandaged it and walked for a kilometer and a half with my comrades who helped evacuate. A tank was shooting at us, we were crawling,” his tone is indifferent as if he is talking about something ordinary. “This is a common story because a soldier in war is expendable. You have to realize this. When he is more trained, well-trained, and well-prepared, he will serve longer and be more effective.”

He tries to talk about Marta distantly: she is an adult who chooses to be at war. And here they kill. Everyone should be prepared for this to happen.

I keep asking him if he worries that she is in constant danger. Not wanting to reveal his deepest feelings, the man forcibly says: “Of course I am worried.”

The couple sees each other on average once a week, but sometimes they don't meet for a month. They try to text each other every day: there are Starlinks everywhere at the positions. And if there is no communication for 12 hours, which is the maximum, no one worries. This means there are objective reasons.

“We have a very well-managed unit, there has never been a case when a person went missing and the commander did not know. Since I have a connection with the company's operational officer, I know exactly what is happening on the battlefield. As a medic, I am immediately informed about the wounded and dead,” saysMarta.

Her favorite sound is a car horn: Serhii has returned from a combat mission. They rarely get to be alone: unless they go for a walk or have coffee together. But even then, there are people around. Just seeing each other is a gift.

“I have long appreciated simple things that make you feel completely happy. And at war, it is especially noticeable. You drive from some far village to Kostiantynivka, and there's a gas station with coffee. Wow! I'm already happy,” Marta smiles and puts her palms together, resting her cheek on them. Her face brightens for a moment, illuminated by a memory.

How does war change relationships?

Serhii answers, looking ahead of him: “My relationship has not changed, I treat my wife the same way. There have been no leaps and bounds. I understand what kind of person she is, and what she is willing to do. I know that she has her own values, which she is not ready to neglect. I acknowledge that she disobeys me in some ways.”

Martha laughs at the “disobedience”.

Meanwhile, the husband continues:“I respect her choice, but I will continue to remind her that she can demobilize and go to our children. If you keep saying it, it might work. Sometimes I get angry with her. When she circulates in the format ‘save everyone’. Marta tends to sacrifice herself. She says: ‘I want to do something good,’ and that's nice, but I can see that it's too much.”

Serhii explains: “In the army, everyone has responsibilities. And my wife overfulfills hers and is ready to intervene somewhere else. For example, we need to drive something. She gives her money for fuel. She pops up somewhere else and offers herself as a person who can perform certain tasks. I ask: why? There are those who are responsible for this. They sit on their asses and keep silent with a smart look, waiting for a ‘nutcase’ to come along who will pull it off. I wish Marta could channel this energy into herself or our children. But that's her nature, and I accept it.”

Marta breaks into a smile:“Even before the war, we used to joke that I was an idiot, everyone around me was smart, and Serhii was smart, and everyone around him was an idiot.”

We laugh.

“I love you,” the husband strokes his wife's hand.

Marta pauses, taking it in, and then says that her feelings have become more intense during the war: “Family life is quite routine. And here there is a risk of death all the time, so the main thing crystallizes. All the ‘showdowns’ and the fact that we are tired go far away..."

“I was never tired,” her husband interrupts.

She continues: “My feelings intensified because during the war I realized what I could lose. I realized that the relationship between a man and a woman is much deeper and stronger than that between parents and children. Although I used to think otherwise. A proper family is one where mom and dad have a close relationship, where the partner is the most important person in life. Then children will build their families in this way. Love will reign there.”

Is the military people becoming toxic to civilians?

Both Serhii and Marta talk about the growing gap between those who are fighting and those who are not. During the two-hour conversation, the man kept returning to the following thesis: mobilization should be compulsory — that’s one. More people need to join the army, otherwise, we will lose the state — that’s two.

“I don't know why the authorities don't see this social injustice. When we come to Kyiv, we are overwhelmed: it's just space compared to the sh*ts where you are. And it needs to be organized somehow. Every man and woman should feel the cost of this. Everyone should join the army. Phrases about the economic front: 'I didn't drink coffee, I donated some money, and I'm a sweetheart' don't work,” theman is firm in his stand.

“I agree. There should be a clear rotation system, so that you stay at the front for a year and a half to two years, and then be replaced by trained people. We are changing a lot. When we left Irpin at the beginning, it seemed to us that it was about to end. When we went to the Kharkiv region, we began to realize that it would be a long time coming. And when we came to Donetsk region, I realized that the chances of returning from this war alive and healthy were getting smaller and smaller,” Marta continues Serhii’s thought.

She is annoyed by billboards and posters: “I believe in the Armed Forces”, and “Victory is ours”, which send a distorted message that the military are gods and can handle anything. The signs are the same as they were a year ago, as they are now. But the military are not gods, they are tired. And you can't win a war with posters.

“When I see these losses, these injuries (sometimes 250 people a day pass through the stabilization center), I say that this is not right. The war is long and people must take responsibility. We need to mobilize not 2% of the population, but 10 percent. There are no more men in the frontline villages, they are at war, and there are plenty in the cities. They are wandering around with beer. This is a failure of the government,” thedoctor says with passion.

She says that it is becoming increasingly difficult for them to communicate with civilians. No one answers the question: “Why are there no queues at the military registration and enlistment offices?”. A conversation with a friend who was outraged that a young man who speaks three languages was taken from the train ended in nothing. Marta did not support her and replied: “This is natural. Every third person is taken away.” The soldier feels that these topics are painful.

“I have become toxic to them,” sheexhales. They don't want to hear about the war.

20 cats and the ability to notice beautiful things

Marta is a cat mom. Currently, 12 domestic cats live in their house and 8 wild cats come to eat. Marta's mother, who came from Ivano-Frankivsk, looks after them. Thanks to her, the cat family does not grow thin. Even if someone dies of old age, the strays take their place.

Marta rescues animals at the front and adopts them. She brought home a couple of cute kittens. They have grown up. Now the cats from the frontline area have beaten the only dog, Serhii's favorite, and kicked him out of the house. The neighbors saw the frightened animal and took it in.

“Cats are good, but in a reasonable number: one, two at most,” says Serhii.

Marta tries to see beauty in everything and create good things: she can make coffee in any conditions, and she has borscht steaming at every stop. Even if there's no stove, she'll cook it on a burner.

She shows photos from the front: here is a peasant bringing her flowers, here is her and the girls making some arrangements of dried flowers in jugs, here is a chest painted with patterns and left in a ruined house. She wanted to take it for herself so badly. The neighbors, who knew the owners, even gave it to her. But she was embarrassed.

“Wherever we stay, wherever we spend the night, dogs and cats always come. We feed them,” Marta flips through the photos. “They always appear. I feel safer when I keep a cat warm next to me at night. Mice won't gnaw my nose off, and it's warmer.”

“No one came to me,” Serhii pretends to grumble.

We laugh.