“Just don't write about how unfortunate the girl with the amputation is” — fighter Ada
“Back during the training, I had to deal with my comrades at the headquarters. One staff commander was greeting the guys, asking them about the training, but paid zero attention to me, as if I wasn't there at all. Then he turned to me and said, ‘What are you doing here? Your job is to cook borscht and give birth to children’.
I voluntarily went to a combat position, and it was strange for me to hear this from a person who serves in Kyiv at the headquarters. I don't know, maybe it was some kind of psychological test to see if I was ready for combat work. But it's very annoying that such tests are organized only for women, but not for men,” says 32-year-old Nastia Saksman, a fighter with the 411th separate Hawks battalion.
In early September 2024, the pickup truck Nastia and her brother-in-arms were using to get to their position hit an anti-tank mine. Her left leg had to be amputated up to the middle of the shin, and doctors put her right leg back together with pins and screws.
The first thing I said in the intensive care unit was: please don't decommission me, I will definitely return to the unit. I really want to come back. I feel more comfortable at the front, I can't imagine myself in civilian life now. I'm sitting somewhere in the rear, just like before the war, worrying about the websites working properly, while my brothers-in-arms are fighting? What do you mean?
In the Lviv hospital where Nastia is undergoing another course of treatment, we talk to her about the war, which levels the division of people into genders, about sexism in the army, about relationships in which eroticism is inferior to brotherhood. We talk about hope and fears. And about what Nastia's life might be like after treatment, if before the war she enjoyed cross-country skiing, hiking in the Carpathians, and river rafting…
Ada the fighting bird
At the front, Nastia took the call sign Ada. It is convenient and short. For her, the call sign is associated with many pleasant things. With the birds of the genus Ada, which live in South America, and drones are also birds, only fighting ones. With the asteroid Ada: for her, flying into space has been a favorite dream since childhood, engraved on her body with tattoos.
The woman shows blue and pink comets on her arms, flying rapidly from elbow to wrist. Her left arm is densely covered with black “stones” of tiny fragments like poppy seeds. Somehow, they even got under her nails — doctors had to tear off the nails to get them out. But eventually, this metal “poppy seeds” will come out — you just need to be patient...
“To girls who are considering military service, I would say: take into account your knowledge, skills, abilities and choose the area where you will be most effective. No one is born with military knowledge — it depends on the person whether he or she can and will want to master it. It depends on the person, not on their gender.
The Constitution of Ukraine does not say that only men are obliged to defend the country. It refers to the duty of every citizen. Each gender has its own psychophysiological characteristics, but they can be used wisely. Women, for example, are more accurate and scrupulous, they have higher performance discipline — such people are very much needed at the front,” Ada says today.
In 2022, when she was looking for an opportunity to mobilize, she did not even think about working with drones. This field seemed too technical.
At paid military training courses, Ada learned the basics of military affairs, first aid, how to shoot, and at the same time sent her CV to websites with military vacancies, and applied to specific military units. She was hoping to become an infantrywoman or an assault riflewoman, but no one was interested!
On one of the websites, she met a military man whom she asked to review her CV to see if there was anything she could improve. The man referred her to his unit. Then came the interviews, mobilization through the military recruitment center and the battalion. So unexpectedly for herself, Ada started flying drones.
“I did not romanticize the war in any way. I realized it was sweat and death, blood and pain. I just accepted it all. And I decided to work on myself, to try not to be a burden to anyone at the front.”
All the men she knew, starting with her father, told her in this regard was a variation on the theme “don't go, it's not a woman's job”.
Functionality has no gender
“Sexism in the army, especially against women at the front, is very annoying, although you react less violent over time. For some reason, it is assumed by default that women at the front will not be able to cope, that it will be physically difficult for them. But it can be physically difficult for men as well. Men can also fail to cope with their work.”
The worst thing would be if I was not allowed to hold a combat position. This is the biggest threat for women — when you are motivated to fight, and the command keeps you for paperwork at the headquarters. In my opinion, it is better to hire men to work at the headquarters who do not perform well in the field than combat-ready women. A person at any job, and especially at the front, should be judged by their abilities, not by gender.
Ada joined the unit in the spring of 2023 and has since mastered working with many types of UAVs. Soledar, Lyman, Kupiansk, Avdiivka direction, which later became Pokrovsk...
“Each platoon of my company has one woman in a combat position. We, like all soldiers, go to the positions for one or two days, sometimes for several days. It can be a dugout, a cellar, just some forest plantation, bushes. The distance to the Russians varies, depending on the task, on the type of ‘birds’ — up to a kilometer or more.
Women's life at the position is the same as men's. It is common to all soldiers. I do not see any problem in military life. I wear dreadlocks to avoid worrying about my hair, it's very convenient — you can wash your hair once every three weeks. If I need to change in public, I just turn my back on the guys and change. It's not a situation of ‘oh, a woman has undressed’, it's a situation of ‘my sister-in-arms is changing’. And it is normally perceived by the majority of military men — they do not even pay attention. As for the lack of daily female companionship, I'm used to it. I can talk to the guys about any topic.”
According to Ada, sexism can occur when a woman tries to use her gender as a pretext for leniency. But often discrimination occurs for no reason at all. Some stupid jokes, pranks, ambiguous looks and intonations, some distrust, being labeled a second-rate creature — all of this is very annoying, Ada says. She always resolutely stopped such things from happening to her. And she was also very angry if one of her brothers-in-arms undertook to defend her from some sexist, because she is not a pink girl who needs to be protected. She is a fighter who knows how to defend herself.
“At the front, relationships between soldiers of different sexes are not based on eroticism. There is a different level of relationship there. You are not partners, not a couple, not colleagues, not friends — you are brothers and sisters-in-arms, you have to perform a combat mission together, covering each other. There is trust, reliability, and mutual assistance that does not exist in civilian life. This is not eroticism, this is life and death.”
“I have a fundamental taboo on relationships with my colleagues, both in civilian life and in the army. My boyfriend is also at war — he serves in a different unit, not with me. He understands me perfectly and does not put any barriers in front of me. Now I can't imagine a relationship with a man who is not in the military.”
Future is held together by pins and screws
Going to the front, Ada was prepared for the possibility that she might be wounded or even killed on her first mission. But she did not focus on possible physical suffering. Before the war, the woman had one surgery — laser vision correction. She had it done so that she would not have to fiddle with lenses and glasses at the front.
“The biggest threat to UAV operators is mines, direct hits on the position, or the moment when their own ‘bird’ goes off for technical reasons. I was unlucky with a mine.
I was driving a pickup truck. I hit a mine with the wheel that was right below me. My brother-in-arms was sitting in the passenger seat — he also got hit, he has a displaced leg fracture. But he literally called our guys on adrenaline and put a tourniquet on me. I was practically blocked in the car, with only my right arm working. I saw my twisted legs and realized that it would probably be minus two.”
Ada regained consciousness in a hospital in Zaporizhzhia. Her left leg had already been amputated. Her right leg was torn up and had some kind of metal fixator on it. Doctors said that it might have to be amputated as well.
My conversation with Ada is interrupted by the appearance of a doctor. He came to remove the stitches from her right leg: to close the wound, Ada underwent skin grafting surgery. They took strands of skin from the calves of both legs and implanted them in a new place.
The doctor slowly takes out the threads, cuts off the “ruffle” of the “extra” skin. He tells me about the pins and plates that are now fixing the bones of Ada's right leg. He says that if they fail to restore the functionality of certain bones, Ada will not be able to stand or walk. And then they will have to amputate the injured foot to replace it with a prosthesis. He reassures Ada that some functions of the foot bones are preserved — she can make minimal movements, so there is hope to do without prosthetics of the right leg.
“I don't know how many surgeries I had. About a dozen or so. Can bandaging that was done under general anesthesia be considered a surgery? If so, there were more of them.”
Ada has to wait until the stump forms on her amputated left leg, then it will be time for prosthetics. With the prosthesis on her left leg, she will be able to use crutches and move independently while doctors work on her right leg.
Now Ada uses a wheelchair to get around — she gets out of bed on her own, and she can also get to the street on her own. However, she can only go to the toilet or shower with the help of her friend Kateryna, who switched to remote work and moved to Lviv to help Ada. Ada does not see any point in her elderly father coming to visit her.
“Here, the sanitary rooms are not adapted for people who cannot support themselves. And I can't — I have only my arms. There is nothing in the toilet or shower that can be used as a foothold. If Katia hadn't been there, I would have had to bother the medical staff.”
Pity is only annoying
Ada assures us that she does not care how she will look with the prosthesis.
“It is important for me that my legs function, not their aesthetic appeal. I repeat: I can only see myself next to a military man. And the military is very calm about prostheses for men and women. We are at war, and society must finally get used to people with amputations of both sexes.”
To get used means to accept without prejudice, without pity and without imposing one's guardianship, Ada emphasizes.
“Personally, I don't feel sorry for myself. Pity from other people only irritates me. I know a story: a guy on a prosthesis or crutches was standing and drinking coffee, and a woman came up and threw money into his cup. Is this a normal perception of a person with a disability?”
About her psychological state, Ada says: “I am in a waiting mode. I'm waiting to get back on my feet and live more actively. This waiting is very exhausting. The treatment itself is tiring both physically and psychologically. These surgeries, drips, the need for outside help, everyday moments that require a lot of resources... I simply do not have the strength to communicate with other people, even with good friends.”
Since the beginning of the war, Ada has formed a new circle of friends, mostly military and volunteers. Now there are doctors.
“I simply have nothing to talk about with people outside this circle. I can't imagine talking to someone about a beauty salon or a party. It's like talking to someone from another world. I feel a little uncomfortable with civilians. For example, I get really annoyed when they start making excuses to me for not being in the army. But I don't care why you are not fighting. I don't care about your personal affairs, I don't ask you about them! I made my choice, and you made yours.
It's even worse when they start pestering me with their help, not even asking if I need it. For some reason, they are convinced that the wounded girl needs their often tactless pity.”
I am not afraid to return to war
Now Ada is most concerned about the unknown. What group of disability will she have? Will her physical condition allow her to continue working in a combat position or at least stay in the combat zone?
“In my unit, there is not a single soldier on a prosthesis, but I know of guys who return to combat positions after amputation. A person is able to adapt to any working conditions. The main thing is to be mobile and not need outside help in everyday life.
Sometimes I think that I would accept any position in the army, just to avoid returning to civilian life. If I am dismissed from the Armed Forces after this injury, I will re-enlist under a contract and look for some inclusive position.
I am not afraid to return to war even with two prostheses. What I'm really afraid of is being captured or becoming completely paralyzed, while retaining the ability to realize my condition. It is scary. But my current problems are solvable.”
In order not to lose her combat skills, Ada flies a UAV in a simulator in the hospital and takes online drumming lessons for her soul. Being in love with metal festivals, she has always wanted to master this instrument. Perhaps she will have to order a special foot to press the drum pedal, but this is all very realistic. Just like choosing a suitable route for a hike in the Carpathians. One cannot give up on the mountains because of an amputation.
Ada sits on a wheelchair to take a picture. She takes Baphomet the devil and a black bear cub with her. With the toys in her hands, she suddenly looks like a sentimental girl who can only fall asleep with a teddy bear on her pillow.
“There's a sticker on the back of your chair that's too girly - a pink shoo with a thin stiletto heel,” I joke with Ada.
“If you look closely, it's a pink pixel,” Ada immediately replies. And adds, “That's my humor.”
This material was created with the support of the Federal Foreign Office of Germany.
- Share: