"Would be better if you killed someone". 5 years in the "DNR" captivity

Natalia Zelenina was captured by Russia in the autumn of 2017. She was detained at a checkpoint in Olenivka when she was transporting substitution therapy drugs intended for the treatment of drug addiction, painkillers, and antiretroviral therapy pills for HIV. Natalia was sentenced to 11 years under the “article” on drug smuggling.

On October 17, she returned home together with 107 other women.

“I did not know how to live. I had to learn it all over again”

When the Russians occupied Donetsk in 2014, Natalia did not leave the city for another year — she could not leave her elderly mother and her job at the charity foundation, the Svitanok club, where she was a social worker. She helped drug addicts to defend their rights and encouraged them to switch to substitution maintenance therapy (hereinafter — SMT — ed.) and give up drugs.

Natalia herself has been using SMT since 2006. A pilot program of drug treatment with buprenorphine was launched in Ukraine at that time, and the woman became one of the first 10 patients in Donetsk.

“I used drugs for 15 years. It was hard drugs, opioids. Several times I was treated in drug treatment clinics. I tried to quit — nothing worked. Probably, the motivation to start treatment with substitution therapy was my sister's pregnancy. I understood that if I continue using drugs, I will ruin the life of my future nephew,” says Natalia.

The woman went to the AIDS center, where she received antiretroviral therapy against HIV infection, and there she was referred to a drug treatment clinic. After talking to a psychologist, she became a participant in the program.

“I was suitable in all respects: I was HIV-positive, had several unsuccessful attempts at treatment, and a long experience of drug use. That's why I was accepted”.

Even now, 16 years later, Natalia does not hold back her emotions, telling how her life has changed without drugs. She openly says that it is the best thing that happened to her.

Soon the woman went to work, began to earn money, attend profile conferences, learned to be a full-fledged family member, help, fill her free time, and worked with a psychologist.

“It was difficult for me to find a place in society because I used to communicate only with drug addicts. I had to earn money criminally. I did not know how to live. I had to learn it all over again.”

“By appearance, one would not say that you are a drug addict. Do you know who turned you in?”

When the Russians came to the city in 2014, substitution maintenance therapy in Donetsk had not yet been banned by the new “legislation”, as it happened in the “LPR”, but the drug deliveries to drug treatment clinics stopped.

Then Natalia decided to move to Vinnytsia and register there to receive medicines without interruption. About once a month she went to her elderly mother in occupied Donetsk, spent a few days with her, and returned to her new home.

In autumn 2017, on her way from Vinnytsia, the woman was detained at the entry-exit checkpoint in Olenivka.

“I was taken out of the bus with my belongings to check if there were any prohibited items, searched, and arrested. It seemed that they were already waiting for me: there were witnesses, an investigator, and representatives of the MDB. I had a feeling before that I was being watched. But I was calm about it: I knew that I was taking substitution therapy legally, and I did not use additional drugs. ‘Let them walk and watch,’ I thought then.”

Natalia's substitution therapy drugs, her antiretroviral therapy pills, which she had for two weeks of use, were taken away from her and she was sent to Donetsk to the local department of “illegal drug trafficking”.

“I was interrogated. They accused me that I had illegally purchased my pills and that they would be taken for examination. But I had documents stating that I was an SMT participant and that I had the right to carry the drugs with me. They were not interested in that”.

In addition, they tried to accuse Natalia of selling drugs. Law enforcement officers pressured her psychologically: they brought drug addicts into the cell and beat them in front of her. They wanted them to confess that they received drugs from Natalia's hands.

The woman herself was not subjected to force, but due to the withdrawal of buprenorphine, she had pain syndrome, insomnia, fever, convulsions, and tachycardia, which was tantamount to torture for her.

“Once, when the interrogation was going on, I fell off the chair. I was ready to sign anything - just to be left alone.

‘By appearance, one would not say that you are a drug addict. Do you know who turned you in?’ they asked me.

I answered that I did not care. I did not hold anything back, did not hide, and did not break the law. But, as it turned out, it was impossible to speak about it loudly in the ‘DPR’”.

“It would be better if you killed someone”

The next day, after all the interrogations, Natalia's mother came to see her. She was allowed to bring her daughter food.

“When my mother found out that I was detained, she almost had a heart attack. She began to reproach them, why I was detained for almost 72 hours, not charged, and not allowed a lawyer?”

The next day a lawyer came to Natalia, and she was transferred to a temporary detention facility, from where she was taken for interrogation.

“But when the lawyer did not arrive in time, the investigator began the interrogation without him. At that time, I was experiencing buprenorphine withdrawal syndrome. My condition was like this... I sometimes lay down on the investigator's desk in the office and asked: ‘What can you talk to me about now?’ I did not adequately understand the essence of the questions. I could answer ‘Yes’ and therefore sign the accusation”.

On 10 November, Natalia was transferred to Donetsk pre-trial detention center. When the detention facility staff asked her under what article she was accused, she heard the following answer: “It would be better if you killed someone”.

“Do you understand what their priorities are? It is better to kill someone because then I will get a shorter sentence. And the fact that I tried to cure myself, to cope with my disease — for them it was a crime.

I was told that if I chose to live in Vinnytsia, then there is no need to return to Donetsk. Like, if I go to my mother, I should leave the drug at home.

It was all wild for me. These are primitive people who for some reason decided that they can tell me where I have to go.”

“I cried all the time. I cried from my helplessness, from lawlessness. I cried for my mother”

Natalia's pain syndrome from the withdrawal of SMT medications gradually went away, but her depression increased. The woman was constantly crying: from her helplessness, from lawlessness. She cried for her mother.

During this time, Natalia's mother managed to get her daughter allowed to take painkillers, antidepressants, and pills to normalize sleep. And in three months Natalia resumed the use of antiretroviral therapy.

“I felt better. Otherwise, I could not even stand during searches, I could not get things out of my bag. They came into the cell, took everyone out, and searched. And I just took some of my things, put them on the cement floor, sat down, and waited until it was over. The operative officer could also say to me: ‘I bet you wish you could get an injection now’. I didn't pay attention to that”.

While Natalia was illegally detained by the occupiers, her colleagues talked about it at international conferences and organized support actions. This gave the woman strength to hold on and believe that she would be released.

“Once even an employee of the detention center said: ‘What are they arranging for you in Ukraine? The whole Internet is full of it’.

And I was happy.

My colleagues immediately warned me that this fight would take a long time, not a month or two. Maybe years, because I was charged with a long term”.

Six months later, Natalia's first trial took place. However, later, according to the woman, the “DPR” issued a law according to which all particularly serious articles were transferred to the “supreme court”. Therefore, she was tried again.

In December 2019, the woman was sentenced: 11 years in prison for drug trafficking and “for a crime against morality and the people of the ‘republic’”. Prosecutors asked for 18 years.

“She shot drugs all her life, and now she demands light work”

Before going to serve her sentence in the occupied women's correctional colony No. 127 in Snizhne, Natalia underwent a medical examination to confirm that she was not allowed to work hard due to her health condition.

Nobody paid any attention to it in the colony. Natalia felt constant stigma and discrimination from the doctors of the colony. The woman heard that she “shot drugs all her life, and now she demands light work”.

From the very first days, she was forced to carry manure to the garden and unload cars that came to the colony.

“According to the documents, our working day should have lasted two hours, but we worked even on weekends. It was useless to prove anything there. It was easier to sit in the shade and tear the grass than to go to a damp isolator. I don’t know how it would have ended for my health”.

Meanwhile, the women were forced to learn the legislation of the "DPR" and watch the news on Russian channels. Occasionally, Natalia managed to talk to or see her mother.

On September 18, 2020, the European Court of Human Rights issued an interim judgment in Natalia's case. The governments of Ukraine and Russia had to provide the woman with proper medical care. The ECHR also demanded that Ukraine make efforts to return Natalia to the territory under its control.

Two months later, in response to a request from Natalia's colleagues from the Svitanok club, the Security Service of Ukraine confirmed that the woman had been illegally deprived of her liberty and was being held in the occupied territory of Donetsk Oblast. However, the occupation authorities did not confirm this.

Natalia also appealed to representatives of the "DPR" administration to be included in the lists for the exchange of prisoners of war. The response she received stated that Natalia had committed a criminal offense, so she could not hope for an exchange.

“You're pardoned, you're going to the detention center”

“With the beginning of the full-scale war, the supervisors treated us with even more hatred. Every day we were told that Ukraine did not need us. Moreover, with the war going on, there’s no time for us now, for ‘nonsense’ —  that's what they called us”.

Hopes for the exchange were gradually fading. Natalia understood that so many Ukrainian civilians and soldiers who defended the country were captured after February 24 that her exchange was unlikely to be a priority now.

“They participated in the war, they defended us, and who am I? Yes, my friends and colleagues are fighting for me, and my rights were violated. I thought that the priority was definitely not me”.

Together with Natalia, there were women in the colony who were called “political prisoners”. They were beaten, electrocuted, and kept in “isolation” and basements in the occupied territory. From them, Natalia learned that exchanges between Ukraine and Russia had started again.

“I was afraid to even believe and think about it. And when I was told at half past six in the evening: ‘Pack your things, you're pardoned, you're going to the detention center’, — it was wild for me to hear".

Natalia was brought to the Donetsk pre-trial detention center, put a bag over her head, and led away. The guards joked that they were taking her to be executed. She was pushed into a cell where there were women with whom she was going from the colony to the detention center.

“We spent the night, and the next day they put bags over our heads again, taped our hands, and put us in tarpaulin-covered cars. It was a very hard road. They also said that we were actually being taken to Voronezh. That the Federal Security Service would talk to us there, and then they would decide whether to pardon us or send us to serve our sentence.”

Eventually, the women were transferred to a plane to Crimea, and from there to cars to Ukraine. Then Natalia understood for sure — she was being taken for exchange.

Different air

“I felt that I was in Ukraine when I heard the Ukrainian language and when we were given Ukrainian flags. Imagine, there were not enough for everyone, and everyone wanted to have one”.

On the first day, Natalia did not understand what was happening. She was afraid to make a step. She was afraid that someone would stop her and say: “Don't go there!” But at the same time, the woman felt a huge surge of strength and desire to return to work. She is confident that if she managed to quit drugs 16 years ago and start everything from scratch, she will succeed this time too.

“When we arrived in Kyiv, I stood on the bridge, looked at the sky, and told the girls: ‘The same stars, the same clouds, the same sky. Only it is not the same’. Not so black, the stars are brighter and the air is different...”